I got a message from a lady who is like a second mom to me. She and my mom has been friends since they were teens. There was a time in my life for 1 1/2 years I would go to her house every weekend. She has two boys who are a little younger than me. They were two additional brothers in my life. I think about a month ago her and I talked about some personal things. I won’t be sharing any of that information but I asked her some questions to get her to think about a few things. Then we haven’t really talked since but the other day she messaged me to see how I was doing and let me know she has been thinking about one of the things I said. She gave me a compliment that really hit my heart strings:
“You have really become a wise lady. Only means you been through a lot. I understand that. Best way to get wisdom, but not the way we want it. Lol”
This meant more because she has known me since I was a baby and she has certain thoughts about me because of the way I was as a teen. She had no idea what was going on in my personal life as I was growing up so she often did not understand why I acted a certain way. Over the years we have connected and I have gotten to share with her what was going on. Now I’m 36 and she is aware of a lot of things I have been facing over the last five years. People who have known you your our whole lives often have a hard time seeing you in a different light.
I have heard the saying you can never go home again and I feel on some level this is true. We often fail to realize people change and there are times they change for the better. When I was younger I thought I was a wise person and in some areas I had to grow up pretty quickly. I learned at the age of 4 that people suck and adults where selfish. I may of not had words for those thoughts at the time but looking back I knew that I didn’t really trust adults on some level.
There is time now I wish I could go back to 2017 and not experience everything so I could live in ignorant; so I could still feel certain feeling that were enjoyable feeling. I wish I still felt a certain way and I truly missed those feeling but the truth is the pain have done some real damage. In some areas I didn’t realize how young my thinking was and now I am wiser in those areas. I am also aware of the fact that I have to be careful because I don’t want to pour out my hurt onto other people. It has made me more relatable to certain people and I do believe one day I will be able to help other people. I just need to continue to work on some of the issues I haven’t fully dealt with on some level.
I need to heal from a lot of hurt that causes a lot of heart damage and have rewired my thinking all together. I need to learn how to forgive as a whole but realize I’m never going to forget those things. I just need to know how to carry it without losing it when it comes to forefront of my mind. I am thankful that she reached out to me to let me know what I said to her really got her thinking. I also appreciate that she shared that she can see that I have been through a lot.
What was your latest compliment that you got?
What compliment made an impact on you?
How often do you compliment people?
Words of affirmation is not my love language but it’s our oldest son love language. I have a hard time giving kind words because I often don’t know when to share them and I just feel weird. This is a whole other story in itself but I grew up with words being used to hurt people so I think I just stay away from it as often as possible. I am trying to be better at receiving kind words and giving them. I did get another compliment that I don’t think was suppose to be one but I took it as one. My husband randomly texted me the other day when he was upstairs and he could hear the craziness downstairs.
“If you don’t become an alcoholic after the twins, I’m pretty sure you’re unbreakable.”
I am not a big drinker to be honest I didn’t really start to drink anything until a few years ago. I know I can have an addictive personality and I have grown up around people who drank too much. Reading my husband say I’ll be unbreakable really gave me a smile and echo boost. Having six kids and the oldest only be six is going to be hard but I will do what I can to come out on top. Not because I want to be someone who says “I did it” but those little people need me to to stay strong.
Thriving in Chaos 
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