Fake Politeness Gets More Friends

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“To be or not to be – that is the question…” by William Shakespeare

When you are doing some self discovery you are going to think about the person you want to be and what does that look like for you. I have found over the last few years people say they want people who are honest. They want people to tell you things that are brutally true. I know a handful of people who are these type of people and what I have found that most people don’t like them. They do not have a lot of friends because they tell you the honest truth and not what you want to hear. Now I will say what I found about these type of people is they are not high is the charisma department. You aren’t going to interact with this person and feel all warm inside when you walk away. I am not saying they are going to be mean but they aren’t going to tell you what you want to hear.

I actually was told by my last boss as I was being let go from my job that I was one of the most honest/up front person that they knew. They told me they appreciated it but I honestly don’t know if they did or not. When I was being let go I had two choices I could hide behind the fact that my husband was getting a new job in a new location or I could tell the whole truth that I was asked to step down. I warn my old boss that I would not going to sugar coat this and I would be honest if anyone asked. I didn’t drag my boss through the mud nor put them down. I just told people that I was asked to stepped down and yes my husband is getting a new job but that has little to do with why I am leaving. They told everyone that the reason why I was leaving was due to my husband but that was only a fraction of the whole story. I even had a few people come up to me and ask because they were confused. They knew what was being said by my boss but when they talked to me they heard the second half of the story. There is a lot to this story but I’m just trying to show an example of how being honest wasn’t always favored by other people.

When you get a new haircut you want to be told it looks nice. A lot of people will be polite and if they noticed because not everyone does they will compliment you. They may or may not feel that way but it’s the nice thing to do, right? Then what do you do if don’t like it do you tell them the truth? Do you say nothing at all? You are told if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. Should we live that way? I know I personally would never come out and tell someone I didn’t like their hair but I often am very bad at complementing someone. Ok that isn’t fully true I did tell my best friend in a round about way that I wasn’t a fan of one of her hairstyles. It wasn’t my finest moment but she takes pride in not doing what other people do and I felt the haircut she got was a trend at the time. We are still friends but she was upset with me for what I said. Then in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter what I think. If you like it then it doesn’t matter what other people think, right? But that isn’t the case we want other people to approve on some level.

I personally can’t stand it when people tell me things they think I want to hear. There is one person in my life who has flat out lied to me on multiple occasion because they think it’s more polite to not offend me. The thing is they are offending me because they aren’t being truthful and now I never know if what they are saying is true. They often will hide behind another person – “Oh, so and so said you wanted this…” and you know very well that person would never say that because they know you on a deeper level. I know people who say they are brutally honest but I find they will often tell a person what they want to hear. If I want to be liked by those around me do I have to just be polite? I wouldn’t come into a room and put someone down either. I would most likely not say anything but I feel that is met with disappointment.

What kind of person do I want to be? I like the being honest but that doesn’t get you a lot of brownie points. Then again it’s not like I have a lot of interaction with people these days. I just know that I am trying to figure out who I am and how I want people to react when they get to know me. I can’t stand fake people and I have know a few throughout my life. It makes me crazy when someone is fake nice to you when you know they don’t like you. It takes everything inside me to not point it out because I CANNOT stand it. It’s ok if you don’t like me just don’t pretend and let’s agree we won’t be rude to one another but leave each other alone. I know there are some people you have no idea they don’t like you but I am getting too old to deal with people who try to put a face on.

Do you think it’s polite to tell someone what they want to hear?
Do you think it’s not lying if you tell someone they look nice if maybe you don’t agree?
Are you a blunt person? If so how many friends do you have?
How do you make new friends when you are the type of person who doesn’t say things to be polite?

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