34 Weeks Update

I haven’t had an ultrasound for a while but I have had two stress test each week. The boys are doing great according to the nurse everytime she reads the results for the stress test. I am so ready for them to come out. The weight of my stomach is starting to take a toll on my knees. I am noticing discomfort when I get up from sitting so that’s been fun. The way the boys are laying can take a toll on certain bones when I’m sleeping. I have to shift my weight often and my circulation is so bad. I will write in the morning before I start my day and I have to stop to get some flow back into my hand.

This coming week I will finally have another ultrasound and I’m hoping that Baby A hasn’t flipped. Since my last ultrasound I woke up to pain because of the position one of the babies was in and it took me getting up and moving for him to shift and stop hurting. As long as he is head down we will be having these babies in about 11 days. I am really hoping I can kick my body into labor before the 31st. I started to eat dates a few days ago and now I have to hide them because my second born wants to eat them. I watched a video and read how they can help get you ready for birth, cut time down during delivery, and help with recovering from birth. I am not looking forward to the cramping after having these babies.

Laying on my back is really hard on my body so I’m wondering how delivering these babies is going to be since I can barely breath when I end up on my back. I still have a few things I need to do before the twins come and if I don’t get to it it’s not that big of a deal. I am just dragging my feet but since I haven’t had any signs of labor starting or even braxton hicks I am not in a hurry. I keep reminding my husband that if we go into labor before Memorial Day weekend I will be giving birth to the babies by myself at the hospital. I don’t want that but at this point it would be fine – I am getting used to having to do things on my own. Anyway – these babies will be here soon and it’s going to be so weird but exciting to have two babies instead of one.

Reading Challenge Book 20 – Becoming Mom Strong

2022 GoodRead Challenge – Book 20 of 50

Becoming Mom Strong: How To Fight With All That’s In You For Your Family & Your Faith written by Heidi St. John. I was on Amazon looking at a wish list I created for books I wanted to buy/read. I wanted something different to read since I have been reading a lot of self-help and factional books. I looked up on LIbby to see what was available. It was a very encouraging book and of course I felt connected because she had seven kids and I’m about to have six. Then again her kids were a lot further apart than mine. When she wrote the book her first born was 26 and her last born was 6. She touches on a few things that I have felt for a while such as the church has failed to teach us how to study the bible on our own. I have been in church since I was 16 and even went to bible college. I still feel like I have no idea how to study the bible and my knowledge is not where it should be by this point.

She talks about being mom strong and being a warrior for your family. This hit a cord because the fact that I’m currently pregnant with baby number 5 and 6 is a miracle in itself. My family almost came to an end at two kids because our path was heading down towards a divorce. Then I had an unexpected pregnancy with our third and things changed for the better after giving birth to our third. Two years I prayed, fasted, believed, and hoped things would not end the way it was appearing. Two years I battled a lot of ups and downs. I should say it was more then two years but it was at the almost two years mark when things began to change. It still hasn’t been easy but I have fallen short in being the prayer warrior I need to be for my family. I know I personally need to be praying for my family daily and fighting against what wants to come against our family unit. I still struggle from those two years and still have a lot of processing and healing but our family story didn’t end at two kids but now we are going to be parents to SIX!

Now this book really focus on moms who are born again believers. She quotes scriptures and tries to be very encouraging. I was about 10 minutes from finishing the book when I was listening to it during that time of the night that is super stressful with the kids. I was trying to get the kids ready for bed and I allow them to watch a Minecraft related video before they head to bed. It was playing when I came into the room and my oldest who has been running to the bathroom all day because he is refusing to sit long enough to let his body work. He was sitting on the couch with his sister and he began to cry because she was has fallen forward and was laying on him. He needed to run to the bathroom YET AGAIN! He didn’t want to get up in fear his sister would fall off the couch (he is a great big brother). I came over and got her as he ran off. By this point I was done with the day. I am feeling so uncomfortable with my pregnancy. My feet are swollen, my hands are swollen and they hurt like crazy, my body feels like it can’t stretch anymore, the babies are always moving and when they move a certain way it hurts, I can’t breath, I’m tired, and just want to be able to do normal life things. I tell you all that because the author was talking about being mom strong and in that moment I was not feeling mom strong. I started to cry because I feel like I’m failing my kids. I was so annoyed that my son has gone to the bathroom MULTIPLE times today and we gave him meds yesterday that clearly didn’t help.

She also talks about the importance of being surrounded by other moms and I am feeling the pain of not having that at this time. This seasons of life has been interesting and challenging but I’m glad I listened to this book. It inspired me in some ways, reminded me of things I already knew, and made me want to start becoming a warrior once again. My house feels so crazy and I feel like I a crazy person right now. I am dealing with so many emotions and trying to not let the craziness of this world keep me from moving forward. I do find my belief and praying to be important to me. I know what the power of prayer can do and I have allowed it to become an afterthought. It’s time to get back on my knees and pray for my kids, pray for my marriage, pray for my family, and our future.

32 Weeks + Update

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and I feel pretty tired over all. I am starting to get stretch marks which I have a had four other kids and no stretch marks. I am officially the biggest I have ever been but this make sense because I now have two 3LBS 12OZ babies with all the other stuff that is included when pregnant. The babies are doing well and it was confirmed that three ultrasound ago they mixed up the babies locations and we fixed it for the charts. Fluids look good and I haven’t had any signs of early labor. Warning: TMI – I am starting to lose my operculum but it was a few days ago and I haven’t seen any signs since which it normal. I started to lose mine with my fourth a month before I went into labor. I didn’t truly understand the full concept of losing the operculum until I was in active labor with my second child when I realized what I was seeing for a week was my body getting ready to go into labor. I get it that it’s not always a sign but for me it’s the beginning of the end.

I still don’t feel fully ready for these twins and we are hoping that I can keep them in until the end of May because we will have help with the other kids. I am slowly getting the house into a place that I can manage it with little effort. I am truly physically ready to have these babies but in other ways not so much. We have come to term we won’t have a biggest enough vehicle when we have the babies and we will make it work until September. Baby A has a lot of hair which doesn’t surprise me because all my babies came out with hair. They are always moving around like crazy and Baby B is still breech but Baby A is where he needs to be so I will continue down the path of vaginal birth with no epidural. This has been an interesting experience. I am hoping to get a few more things before they get here but over all we are ready. Then again I feel I am forgetting something major.

30 Weeks Pregnant + Update

It’s official I am finally in the 30 weeks zone and to be honest this whole experience is going to be challenging. I am tired all the time. I was sleeping pretty hard there for a week or so but now I’m achy and waking almost every hour again. Thank God for the body pillow which I never thought I would be the type of person who would ever say that. My sinuses are stuffy all the time so if I want to give one side a break I have to lay on my right side, even thought I prefer to sleep on my left. I sleep with my mouth open so every time I wake I have to drink water. I am now waking and having to use the bathroom EVERY TIME I wake up. Thank God we have a 1/2 bath on the same floor so I don’t have to walk up the stairs every time I need to go to the bathroom. I am concern to drive anywhere because I have almost fallen asleep at the wheel on a few occasions. I could be sitting up on the couch with my kids and just pass out.

I can’t breath all the time – even when I’m sitting and talking on the phone. It sounds like I just took a run. If I get up to go into another room I have to sit right down which means everything takes longer. I am getting lightheaded more often – even when I’m sitting in the same spot. I still have my belly band that I wear but due to the belly getting bigger it gets itchy after awhile. I am still waiting for the other band I brought just in case I have to have a c-section. EVERYTHING is swollen and I don’t feel like a normal woman anymore. My legs are so gross looking and the other day I was putting on a dress and I had a tank top on. My oldest son got all concern and asked what happened to my legs. I usually have them hidden away. I do not feel attractive at all but then again I haven’t felt that way for a long time so this isn’t anything new.

I have no desire to drink coffee in the morning which is making me a little cranky throughout the day. Eating has become a thing because I don’t want to really eat. When I do a lot of the times I feel nauseous. Then if I do eat without feeling sick I am so stuffed that I’m uncomfortable. I know my body is thinning out because the twins are taking resources that I had in reserved before getting pregnant with them. I honestly don’t care if people make comments to me in the store – overall people are not rude about it. They are just trying to make conversation. I look like I’m ready to pop at any moment and to be honest I agree because I look like I’m closer to 40 weeks then 30. I am trying to imagine my body getting any bigger and it’s kind of concerning. I know my body can and will do it. I know that I will never be the same and there is a good chance if I ever want the extra skin to go away I am going to have to have surgery.

I have always wanted twins and now we are having them. I know we are so blessed with the family we have and that I have been able to have all my kids with no complications. I love my kids so much and I’m so glad I am able to be with them all the time. As I type this up I can see my belly just moving all over the place. I had my latest ultrasound yesterday and one the babies in breech – which makes me sad. I know there is still time but I just wish he would stay down. The baby that is closer to my bladder is head down but my doctors have not talked to me about any birth plans at this time. Everything looks good so there is no concern at this time. Starting in two weeks I will be going to the MFM twice a week – which is going to make my husband “happy”. We do not feel like we are ready for these boys. All the unknowns are getting to me. I haven’t had any cramps or anything but there has been a few times I felt maybe my lower half feels achy but I don’t know if it’s a sign or just me doing to much. I have been trying to sit as often as I can but it’s making me stir crazy.

The TV is on all the time and my kids are acting like crazy little people. I know they are feeding off me and they have to know things are about to change. All I want to do is provide a safe, loving, and an educational environment. I feel like I’m FAILING them everyday. I want to be reading, doing activities with them but due to me being cranky and short I would rather them be watching TV then be near me. Our oldest is having issues again with going to the bathroom so that is making him cranky. He is instigating all the time. He is teaching his brothers to do stupid stuff and I feel like I need to start holding him responsible for their behavior. Our daughter is 10 months old and she isn’t doing anything but rolling over. My husband wanted to hold off on services but now he wants me to reach out to get that ball rolling. Our older two had to have them so we aren’t surprised – but after three kids I am feeling a certain way about it.

I could go on and on about how I’m feeling and maybe I’ll write another post but I’m not sure what the next six weeks will be like and I’m trying to not stress. I warn my best friend that I will be in survival mode so I may not be around much. There is a part of me that wants to shut down and push everyone out. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have so many emotions I’m trying work through, deal with the limitation of being pregnant, and making sure my kids are safe/healthy. I’m nervous about delivery because even if I do get what I want it’s going to be a lot hard due to my size and them having to keep me hooked up on the monitors. I have never had a male doctor before and I’m afraid if I have one he is going to push stuff because he feels a certain way. I don’t think I have seen a female doctor since I started seeing the MFM and that is now causing me stress. I am so stuck in my head these days and I got to figure out a way to deal with it before I make myself crazy.

Twins Update – 28 weeks

I had an updated ultrasound for the boys and it was a positive one. The doctor didn’t even come into the room because I had no questions. The only thing is I think the women who did the scans had them mixed up. I am going to confirm this when I talk to them next week. If she did not then I am completely clueless when it comes to which baby is located in each spot. We got to see the hair on one of the babies and I thought that was really cool. All my kids have been born with hair so it didn’t surprise me. I just never seen it on an ultrasound. They were both head down and next to each other. They are in their own sack so they aren’t really touching one another but it looks like they are at times. I thought I saw one of them sucking their thumb on the screen.

According to the technician Baby A is 2LBS 5oz and Baby B is 2LBS 8oz – but I don’t know if she was labeling them correctly. The baby that is laying on top of the other baby has flipped himself so I am feeling him more often. I have been watching my belly move in a few areas and it’s kind of cool to watch. We could have these boys in seven weeks if not sooner. We still need another car and a few odds and ends. I am still trying to get this place in order and our future is still up in the air with no real plan. I’m used to this at this point but it doesn’t make it any easier. I am looking forward to meeting JC and JD (not their full names) and see if they truly do look alike and how similar they look to their sibling.

YouTube Inspired

I have started to follow a handful of YouTubers over the last year and I shared some of my favorites on an old post called To Vlog or Not To Vlog. One of the ladies I follow has two channels one is for her family/farm and the other one is a more personal one on one vlog. I have been watching random videos but she has posted a few homeschooling inspired videos. She reminds me of the person I used to be and still want to be on some level. I know I have to get to a point where I am taking steps to get myself in order.

The first step I plan to take is start getting up earlier and starting my day off with some me time. I am finding by the time I get the kids up and downstairs I’m cranky and hungry. Then I have little people demanding food and my attention while I try to get my own stuff together. This morning my daughter woke up around 4:30 talking to herself. She wasn’t crying but it was the first time she woke up so I knew it was only a matter of time before she wanted a cup. I took one up and when I went to go back to sleep I was awake. I set my alarm for 6 but couldn’t managed to go back to sleep.

Then at 5:30 my husband and I tried to catch the mouse he could hear (living in the middle of no where, 120 year old farm house, and kids that sneak food into the sunroom) we managed to trap it behind the kids cubbies but we learned they could climb brick walls. We ended up giving up and putting something for it to eat to take care of the issue later. I finally made my way into the kitchen, made my breakfast, and turned the pot of coffee on earlier than the delay brew. I decided I wanted to work on some activities I wanted to do with the kids. I am going to start working on Spring themes in a few weeks so I wanted to at least attempt one winter theme lesson.

I know me that I am the type of person who needs to plan ahead and get all my resources together. In one of the videos I watched she talked about an idea she heard through another lady called morning basket. I loved the idea behind it that I decided that I need to prepare stuff for a week and put as much of the resources in a basket. I had one that was sitting empty so I grabbed that once I was done with my prepping. I planned to do all this the night before but the night got away from me and only did a few things. I did managed to come up with 13 weekly themes for the next three months.

I find myself being inspired by the people I listen to on YouTube. It’s easy to compare your life to theirs but I’m trying to remind myself we are all in different stages in our lives. I started to watch the one lady because she has 8 kids and I will have 6. The big difference is her kids are spaced out so she has teenagers and I think the youngest is 2. It’s a little easier because she doesn’t have to be on top of all the kids all the time. My kids are all young and they fight over everything these days. They want to be doing what the other one is doing but they are not all at the same level. I am trying to come up with things that I can do together but make it age appropriate.

I am hoping to do this again tomorrow – especially since I have a doctors appointment but I still want to get in a routine of waking up early and focusing on things to help me be a better mom, a better woman, and a better Christian. We will be spending time with family after tomorrow so our week won’t look the same but I am planning on still working on stuff for next week. I also pulled out a dot grid notebook I brought last year to use but ended up only using a few pages. I know I do better when I use this system and it gives me a place to keep my thoughts together. I am all over the place – the fact that I got any prepping done today is a miracle because I squirreled a few times before sitting down.

I know it seems silly and maybe foolish that I have allowed myself to get caught up in YouTube but we are suppose to surround ourselves around people who inspire us. There is a lot of things at play but I don’t have a community right now. I don’t have friends that I see on a regular basis and we live in nowhereville so finding people who have kids close to my age is hard. Then let’s face it the older we get the harder is it for most people to build those relationships. We are very cautious and it may take a lot longer time to get to a point where you trust people and open up. I say all this because the people I listen to often inspire me to be a better mom, a better person, and rethink how I see myself as a woman. I will never meet them and I often don’t even respond to their post but I feel on some level I am surrounding myself with women who are empowering.

What/who inspires you to be a better person?
What does your morning routine look like?
What are you doing to help yourself to be a better person?

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