Easter Craziness

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Sunday was Easter – I know not everyone celebrate Easter and I think due to my job I have had a hard time really celebrating the holiday as a whole. We never live to close to family so there was no traveling to have Easter dinner and since I had to work because church was my job. I have never really gotten into doing anything special. We were never invited to anyone house for Easter dinner so we would go home and just have a regular meal. This year was no exceptions – I was suppose to be alone for Easter with the kids so I had no plans on doing anything. I honestly didn’t even want to do a “basket” this year. I know as a Christian this is a very important holiday but I think on some level the idea we need to do these things because it’s what expected of us makes me not want to do it. I know that there will be someone who says “then don’t do it, because the whole meaning of Easter has nothing to do with the Easter Bunny.” I am not going to get into that logic with this post.

Now I know I’m going to pissed someone off but we don’t encourage our kids to believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause. We don’t tell them they are coming with anything even though we were told that as a child. Our kids still get stuff but there isn’t this pressure we have to have it done by a certain point which played in my favor this year. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with twins and I only have so much bandwidth to get stuff done. I have let the house get out of control so the night before Easter I spent over a hour just cleaning up the house. Picking up toys, moving stuff, putting stuff away, and cleaning up the kitchen. I was done by the time I got to the dishes. This meant we would have no “baskets” waiting for them when they woke up. Come to find out our oldest who knew Easter was coming forgot about it on some level. I know this because when my husband said “Happy Easter” at the breakfast table my oldest said “It’s not Easter, yet”.

I want to be one of those moms who do special things for her kids. I have done so much special things for other people kids throughout my life that I don’t want to neglect my kids in this department. I made family breakfast and I planned to go out to the car to stuff eggs for the kids to collect. I am also the type of mom who doesn’t want junk in their baskets or inside the eggs. Tattoos, small plastic toys, and even all candy is not my cup of tea. This year we got some of those chocolate hazelnut candies because all our kids enjoy them and so do we. I also put chocolate candy coated mini eggs in the smaller eggs. Then I used my sons dinosaurs eggs he has gotten last year from his Grandmother going to McD’s on her lunch break. These are perfect because they were larger then store bought eggs – which by the way are a lot smaller than they used to be. I put in 15 different cars because we can never go wrong with cars in this house.

Anyway – before I could even make my way to the car to do this we discovered that I forgot the maple syrup on the table and our 2-year-old and 3-year-old decided it would be fun to dump the whole bottle. It was on the table, in a plate, on a chair, on the floor, and on them. I also discovered they managed to not be seen because syrup was on some toys and a blanket in the other room. I had to give the boys a bath and my husband and I tagged team to get the syrup cleaned up. Once again another $15 dollars bottle of syrup was wasted. Our 2-year-old did the same things back in the fall but he managed to keep most of it in a bowl on the counter. The bowl had old food in it that hasn’t been thrown out so saving the syrup wasn’t a choice. I didn’t know he could move the chair and get to the counter – learned that pretty quick after that moment.

That was a fun way to spend most of the morning but when I went to go put the ham that was given to us into the crock-pot I remember I needed maple syrup for the recipe. My husband had to run to the store before I could get dinner started. I am learning to just go with the flow at this point in life because I have ZERO control and I if I don’t I will lose my mind. Then this year I did not want to spend anymore money on stuff since I’m literally drowning in stuff and due to the high cost of everything we need to not spend as much as possible. I felt bad but I went into the garage to see if I could find anything that was given to me and the kids haven’t seen yet. I forgot that we brought a set of Lego’s for our oldest but due to someone giving us a ton of non-lego brand bricks I was going to try to sell it. We had this set for over a year now never taken out of the cardboard box it arrived in – and no one showed any interested. I even took 10 dollars off the price you get in the store. I decided this would be perfect for all the boys. My mom gave me a few things for my daughter and I found Little People for less than $2 dollars each a while ago. I had gotten some candy for them that I know they like and a food pouch for my daughter.

They were excited about the egg hunt and how we handle it was they got to collect the eggs. Then they had to put everything they got in a basket so they could share anything they found. This prevented them from finding most of the cars or most of the candy. I even added Paw Patrols balloons – the boys love balloons. They were fine with that solution and once they were done with the egg hunt. I showed them the picture above and they seemed to be happy. I am also finding the kids are so used to getting stuff they will play with for a few then leave it alone. I honestly don’t feel bad adding to their lego collection we will have five boys and one girl. I am pretty sure they will get used A LOT over the next decade. As you can see we didn’t do easter baskets and this may stay this way for the future. I don’t like storing them mostly because we aren’t settle in our “forever” home – I may invest at some point.

How do you handle easter baskets in your home?
What are some alternative ways you do an easter basket?
What do you provide in your kids baskets?
If money was no worries what would you give to your kids?

Last year we used Tonka dump trucks for the kids easter baskets.

Aimless – Just Like This Post

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I think on some level I have grown used to being alone. I mean I have never physically been alone for an extended period of time in my life. I just find comfort in things that help me escape from the real world. Now the thing that gets me is I never really cared for music and I think there are two reasons for this. My hearing and I don’t like how music can affect your feeling. I do listen to music and there are a few songs that will bring up some pretty strong emotions. “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol reminds me of a moment I thought was a deep/intimate moment but after everything that has happened I can’t hear that song without feeling sad. “Feel Invincible” by Skillet takes me back to a time where I needed to feel invincible and believed I could take anything on – even when my world was crashing around me. I had so much drive to be a different person and had so many goals. Then I slowly came out of that time of my life and I feel aimless.

If you have had much time in the Christian world we talk about doing ministry. It could look different for everyone – your ministry could be serving the church, going out in the mission field (in a variety of ways)…what we really are saying “How are you serving?” Serving is a big thing in the church and churches always need people to serve especially in the children’s department. I have read multiple post of moms feeling guilty for not serving in their church because they have young kids. I on the other hand just said to someone yesterday – my ministry is my kids. I used to be a pastor (long story) and I honestly could not imagine being in full time ministry (or part time – which doesn’t really exist just part time pay) with my kids being so young. Then I thought about this comment later and if I truly think my kids are my ministry then I’m failing on some level.

I was having a low moment the other day and I am feeling like I’m about to enter into the loneliness season of my life. Then I think maybe this is what I need to change. Clearly nothing is working at this time in my life and having to be alone with my six kids might be the only way I can truly find myself and rely on God. Do we rely on other people to much? Have you ever heard of the saying “It takes a village?” I feel that this concept has been long gone. One thing my husband has said to me about watching vlogs is it’s easy to compare yourself to those people and he isn’t a fan of that. I get what he was saying but I think on some level I try to not compare myself to them. They are in a different stage of life and a lot of them worked hard to have the things they have and it’s easy to be “envious” because a lot of them didn’t even start to vlog until they were at certain stages of life. This is partly why I was/am considering vlogging because maybe people need to see a life that isn’t “pretty” looking. What does life look for a mom of six kids who is living in yet another rental space trying to live life. A mom who does not rely on the government to help (not putting anyone down who is on government assistance). A mom who is struggling everyday to do basic things but wants to create a better environment for her family and a better mental state for herself.

I think the biggest thing for me with the people who I watch is the fact that they have a village. They have family members who help out when they can and from what I get to see a healthy relationships. Their spouse is in a different stage of life so they are able to be around and help daily. One family is apart of a group that has people who can help when needed. I know every family has its own baggage and they aren’t going to air it out. I often think about a cousin of mine who has a big family. They seem so close with one another and I want that for our family. I long for positive relationships but unless a miracle happens I don’t see that happening with our extended family at this point. Then the one person who I thought would be on the same page with me tells me how the relationship I am hoping for most likely won’t happen. Then what is the point of trying to do life differently if the outcome is going to be the same as it was for us growing up?

I am currently in a stage of life that I do not know what to expect and I got to figure out a way to handle it. It’s going to be a long year if I don’t figure something out. I need to find something to aim for and get rid of the things that does not matter. I am feeling driven to shutdown all my social media accounts and limit my communications. I am starting to feel like maybe it’s time for me to embrace a life of loneliness until sometime changes. I can pray and ask for “my” village but it may take a long time. I can pray for healing for the relationships with extended family but I know I personally need a heart transplant and that could take a LONG time. I’m in a weird place because I want to shut everyone out and go radio silence but then I want to start a vlog. I am a pretty open book and most people don’t like that or they don’t take the time to ask questions. I have a feeling a lot of my future post will be me sharing my process of trying to figure stuff out.

Faith/Belief

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Faith and Belief have a different meaning for many people. Everyone have a story on how they view those two words it could be a positive, negative, or a neutral feeling. Typically when we talk about having faith and believing in something we are talking about some form of religion. Depending on your view and experience we could talk for hours about this topic but my goal is not to debate with anyone but to share my journey.

I grew up in a Christian home and unfortunately I can’t just say that and move on because this has different meaning to people. I could be wrong but if I said I grew up in a Catholic home or a Jewish home or a Mormon home most people would understand what that’s means. Saying I grew up in a Christian home leaves it too broad. I spent the first half of my childhood in my grandmothers house and she was my primary caregiver due to my mothers work schedule. We would go to church often but I couldn’t tell you what denomination of the church we attended from the top of my head. I do know it was called Church of God and after a google search they are considered Holiness Pentecostal Christian Denomination. I honestly do not know what that actually means but that was the type of church I attended until I was teenager.

I spent seventeen years of my life attending a different denomination and now I am not faithfully attending any denomination due to moving, covid, and the chaos of life. I on some level had a crisis of faith about three years ago and haven’t taken the time to figure it out. I still believe in a God and I still believe he sent his son to die on the cross for us. Despite the way I have been living my life in the sense of not attending church I still believe that I need to have a daily relationship with God and need to be giving my time. I do believe we don’t have it right no matter what denomination are available. It’s a journey and I’m trying to figure out my journey and what that looks like at this time. I still hold strongly to a lot of core beliefs but it’s time to stop dragging my feet and begin to figure it out.

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