Stupid Person

Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

Stupid is an ugly word – but this is a word I have said often throughout my life. I find myself saying a lot of things are stupid (not people) but when I hear my kids call something stupid I know I need to stop using that word all together. One time my 5-yr-old said that his brother was stupid and I was not happy. Needless to say I told him I NEVER want to hear those words come out of his mouth about any of his sibling or himself. I know that he doesn’t understand what that words means on a deeper level.

I have struggled my whole life believing I was a stupid person. I did not get good grades, I hated reading, and I often had a hard time understanding things in general. Now I’m 36 years old and it wasn’t until I was 28 when I realized that I was NOT a stupid person. I was a product of my environment and I lacked the drive at the time to do something about it. My husband has said over the years that it’s a person responsibility to take steps into changing things that happened to them when they were younger.

I had a random thought the other day and asked myself, “What would it take for (insert person name) to stop viewing me as a stupid person?” I have someone in my life who does not think very highly of me and they have not come out and said I was a stupid but due to certain conversations I have put the pieces together. I did not do well in school but what I learned it had nothing to do with my intelligence but it had to do with my motivation. I could make good grades and when I cared about a subject I got them. I fell in love with Math in 7th grade and I did well all the way through high school. In my 10th and 11th years of school I actually applied myself and did really well in Science (having one’s boyfriend in the class helped push me to care at the time).

I wish I would have realize that I wasn’t a stupid person when I was in college but it wasn’t until I went back for my associate degree in Early Childhood Education that I finally applied myself and for the first time in my academic life I got 4.0 both semesters. I learned later in life that school wasn’t hard as long as you did what was asked and if I would have taken time I could have did better. I still remember getting an A on a history quiz in high school because I actually did the reading – mind blowing!

I know on some level it doesn’t matter what I do that person will always view me in a negative way. I did wonder if I got my master degree in Early Childhood maybe that person would realize that I am not “that” person but as my best friend said we both know it wouldn’t matter. This person feels that I act like I know everything but the thing is I often don’t open my month unless I know something. I don’t make up crap but I do read – this same person told me I needed to stop reading. I personally need to get to a point of not caring what this person thinks about me and they can imply whatever they want. I’m just glad that I didn’t learn about how this person viewed me until I got over my own feeling of feeling stupid and overcoming the need to prove things to people. This would have been the confirmation I needed when I struggled with that mindset but now I’m annoyed at their limited point of view. Then again it really is their lack of asking questions and assuming they know more than most people.

What did it take for you to stop believing something you have told yourself grow up? When did you stop caring what other people thought? How do you handle people in your life who view you to be a certain way?

Faith/Belief

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Faith and Belief have a different meaning for many people. Everyone have a story on how they view those two words it could be a positive, negative, or a neutral feeling. Typically when we talk about having faith and believing in something we are talking about some form of religion. Depending on your view and experience we could talk for hours about this topic but my goal is not to debate with anyone but to share my journey.

I grew up in a Christian home and unfortunately I can’t just say that and move on because this has different meaning to people. I could be wrong but if I said I grew up in a Catholic home or a Jewish home or a Mormon home most people would understand what that’s means. Saying I grew up in a Christian home leaves it too broad. I spent the first half of my childhood in my grandmothers house and she was my primary caregiver due to my mothers work schedule. We would go to church often but I couldn’t tell you what denomination of the church we attended from the top of my head. I do know it was called Church of God and after a google search they are considered Holiness Pentecostal Christian Denomination. I honestly do not know what that actually means but that was the type of church I attended until I was teenager.

I spent seventeen years of my life attending a different denomination and now I am not faithfully attending any denomination due to moving, covid, and the chaos of life. I on some level had a crisis of faith about three years ago and haven’t taken the time to figure it out. I still believe in a God and I still believe he sent his son to die on the cross for us. Despite the way I have been living my life in the sense of not attending church I still believe that I need to have a daily relationship with God and need to be giving my time. I do believe we don’t have it right no matter what denomination are available. It’s a journey and I’m trying to figure out my journey and what that looks like at this time. I still hold strongly to a lot of core beliefs but it’s time to stop dragging my feet and begin to figure it out.

Launching Nightmare

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This is not my first attempt to write a personal blog but for some reason getting this up and running has taken me a long time. I actually published it before I posting anything because I couldn’t get a few thing to work until I launched. Making time to figure out the ins and out of this site hasn’t been a priority but I don’t want to waste the subscription. Here goes nothing – I plan to share my life in multiple areas. I was hoping I could break this blog down into five topics and have them each on their own page. If that is possible I have not figured it out. I guess I wanted one site with five subtitle blogs. This would make it easier people who want to read about certain topics without having to filter through previous posts. I personally need an out for my life and I don’t mind sharing it. I feel on some level I have something worth to share even if those around me do not.

The five topics I will focus on is:

Lioness – Focus on self

There is one thing that we all have done and will do no matter of race or gender we are – that’s is being born and dying. As a person grows up they are affected by their surrounding and the people in their life. I am no different just because I want to express myself through writing I am a human that is living in this world at this very moment. In the last four years I have changed a great deal and I do not know who I am anymore. When my world felt like it was crashing down around me I read a lot and one book that stuck out to me was Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. Lions and Lioness became a focal point in my growth – I chose the title due the season that changed me forever.

Ready, Set…Parent – Focus on my kids

One morning when my husband and I were waking up and not ready to start the day we could hear our kids awake in their rooms. I said out loud “Ready, Set…Parent” – this made my husband laugh and it stuck with me ever since. I am so lucky to be a mom in general but I get to be a mom to four beautiful children. In five years I went from having no kids to four. I’m blessed, stressed, tired, and some may say crazy. They make me laugh, happy, cry, worry, question myself, angry, concern, and so much more. Being a parents is hard but sometimes its just funny and they make life chaotic but worth it.

Leaves The Ninety-Nine – Focus on faith/belief

My faith has played a huge role in my life ever since I was a child. I will focus on my belief and the journey I am taking to find my footing. The title was inspired by the song “Reckless Love” by Cody Asbury. I know God is real but I find it hard to explain why I believe what I believe. It’s time to stop playing the role and begin to dig deeper and ask some hard questions.

Those Who Read, Lead – Focus on reading

I came across an image online and those words stuck with me. I was never a strong reader growing up.. It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to enjoy reading for a season. Then at the end of 2017 until now I began to read A LOT. I have had a desire to write a book or two but I realized that I barely read. I decided it was time to start to better myself and learn from other people. Due to kids and limited time I listen to a lot of audio books but I do try to read a few books the old fashion way.

Pin Worthy or Not – Focus on creativity

I inherited my creativity from my mother but it didn’t hit me until I was in my late 20’s. Growing up my mom would make my costumes and she made me furniture for my Barbie’s. Over the years I have created cards, decorations, blankets, paper jewelry, box creations, teaching resources, etc. In a word of Pinterest it’s so easy to get caught up on not allowing yourself to be creative because it doesn’t look just like the picture you see online. I plan to share the things I have done over the years but not everything would be considered “pin worthy” but it served a purpose. I hope to inspired other moms who don’t think they can provide things for their kids because it doesn’t look like it could be worthy of a pin.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑