I am not a single mom but I am a military wife so I have had multiples times of being alone with the kids for extended times. My husband also used to work out of town so when I was pregnant with my third child I would have to take my two other kids to every doctor’s appointment I had and it was before the pandemic. I never had any issues with taking them and the office never said anything to me about bringing them. When I was pregnant with my fourth it was after the lockdown but things were still strict. I was fortunate that my MIL would watch the kids so I never had to take them to any of my appointments. Now I am currently pregnant with twins and my husband works from home. Thank God! I have an appointment once every two weeks due to the my age and type of twins I am carrying. I took my youngest son once due to our schedule and by choice took my oldest so he could witness the ultrasound.
On Monday we had an appointment for my second child that took months for us to get but due to my husband having to be out of town I had a feeling taking all the kids would be an issue. I decided to call and let them know what was going on. We had to reschedule it and we can’t be seen until August. This always makes me angry because the reality is not everyone has the abilities to have someone watch their kids. What does a single mother do? My husband scheduled changed and he is back in town which means my next appointment won’t be an issue but I was going to take all four kids to my next ultrasound. I told my best friend today once I’m settled and if I can I would love to help single moms by watching her kids if needed for appointments. I wonder how many don’t go to much needed appointments because our system isn’t designed to meet the needs of single moms. I guess in some states and maybe all there is assistant for childcare.
I am not looking forward to the future with all six kids because appointments will be a hard on everyone. I hope I can find a momma helper/nanny to help me but as of right now that looks super challenging. I have great respect for mom who do it on their own. I’m not officially a single mom but I have had experiences on doing things on my own. On Sunday I took the kids out to a restaurant x 2, church, and an easter event. It had some very stressful times during the day and I’m pretty sure people at the restaurant looked at me like I was a crazy person. I am also a believer that if you are close to a single mom then don’t ask her what she needs, just show up and offer help. Bring her food, bring her a gift card, watch her kids if she allows, and so much more. I learned that it’s pointless when someone tells you “Let me know what I can do.” I could write a whole post on that especially since I listened to someone make a good point about that phase. Depending on the person they may not know what to say or maybe in their experience they have and that person/other did not do anything.
Now I have known a handful of single moms who have taken advantage of those around them. I read a story about how a single mom would drop off her kid at their friends house for sleepovers then wouldn’t pick up their child at the time they were told. This happened multiple times that the parent of the friend contacted the single mother because they needed to leave and told them if they did not hear back from them by a certain point they were going to call the cops to informed them a child was left by their mother. The thing was the mother would say she would come but then she wouldn’t show up for hours and never giving reasons behind it. Every situations is different but I know there are a lot of moms out there that need help and I wish there were people who would stop asking them what they need and just help. Then of course they have to be careful because not everyone who wants to help is a safe person. Which is my biggest thing which is why I don’t want to hire someone to babysit but be around when I’m around. Go with me to the store with the kids and maybe watch a few of the kids at a time for appointments.
Thriving in Chaos 