ADHD

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In my experience a type-a person has a HARD time handling a person who is ADHD, unless they have come to a place where they try to understand. There has been time in my life I wonder if I had some form of ADD but not ADHD. In 2017 my husband was officially diagnose with ADHD. Once I began to learn about ADHD my eyes were open and I realized that a lot of the things I have gotten upset about over the years was due to this behavior and not because my husband did not care. I used to think my husband did things to hurt my feeling. That he didn’t care about me because he didn’t remember the little things I would tell him. It would take him a LONG time to get anything done and I took it as a personal attack. He clearly did not love me because he wasn’t willing to drop everything to do what I needed him to do. He didn’t love me because he couldn’t remember all the details of a story I told him, because I would often remember everything he told me. Now I can no longer remember everything because if you had kids you know that ability sort of goes MIA.

I have learned to be patience with my husband and come to accept that he is going to leave random things laying around the house. When we were first married it made me crazy that he would leave his socks ALL around the house. I had to hunt them down and I would get so upset. Now almost 14 years of marriage it doesn’t even phase me. Now I could list a few other things he leaves around the house but instead of getting upset about it, I just take care of it. I also have gotten to a point that nagging him doesn’t work and sometimes having a list hanging in a place that’s not in his face helps with getting task done. I also come to accept that if I want something done by a certain point I just do it and I don’t let myself get upset about it. Allowing myself to get upset isn’t going to change anything but my attitude towards him. Now if it is something that needs to get done and I can’t get it done I try to be kind about it and explain why I need him to do it now. I also try to do this when I know he isn’t in the middle of something.

Now I would be lying if I told you that there aren’t time that it still bugs me when I ask him to help me and he doesn’t get to it in a timely matter. I am human and I may not be as much of a type-a I was a few years ago. It’s amazing how life can beat that out of you when you have very little control in your own life. I still wish he would just take the few minutes to do the task then wait until the last second but if you watch videos of people who have ADHD. You know this is a common thing and they need that deadline to motivate them. Now there are multiple treatments for ADHD and he does follow one of them. It has shown to help overall. Unfortunately there are people in my husband life who do not care to understand this disorder. They still get annoyed with him when he doesn’t do what they asked him to do and how he handles things. Unless we have first hand experience we often do not show much empathy towards a person. I never understood the challenges that people with allergies (seasonal) faced until I realized I had them. Then I found that some people who do experience certain things still have an attitude of “suck it up buttercup.” I personally do not care for that saying and I don’t like it when people say that a person is crawling up their butt.

We believe one of our children is ADHD and now that I have had some experience with my husband I feel that I can be a little more patience with them. I know that the way they need to learn is going to look different and I have to remind myself to not just assume they are doing things to be hurtful. They think differently than most people and there is nothing wrong with that. We just need to learn about their way of thinking so we can be on their team instead of putting them down for not doing things the way we think it should be done.

Do you know someone who has ADHD?
How has it affected you or the person throughout their life?
When were you or someone you know diagnose?
How did your family handle it?
How did extended family handle it?
What are some things you find helpful?

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